It’s 2:13 AM. Again.
You’re jolted awake by the unmistakable sound of a tiny, ballistic banshee. Your 9-month-old, Max, has launched into his nightly performance — a high-pitched wail that could curdle milk in the next room.
You stumble into his room, eyes half-closed, arms flailing for the pacifier that was right here six hours ago. Max locks eyes with you — red, tearful, and fully committed to sabotaging your peaceful nighttime dreams.
You shush. You rock. You hum that lullaby that worked once back in March.
You ninja your way out of the room, channeling an Army Ranger as you tiptoe past the squeaky floorboard. You’re three feet from freedom when…
Does your child continue to wake up crying at night? Nothing can be more exhausting than a 6, 12, or 18-month-old child who won’t sleep through the night!
You’ve probably tried everything, from feeding and laying down with your baby, to bringing him to your own bed. Your mind’s midnight-muddle clouds your ability to reason. In the light of day, you may know the right thing to do, but tonight you just want to get through to the morning.
How do you cure your little sleep saboteur?
First, we need to consider why babies wake up at night:
1. Rewards:
The most common reason a baby will continue to wake at night is because he is being rewarded for doing so. When your child wakes up, is he being fed? Pulled into bed with Mom and Dad? Picked up and cuddled? If this has become the nighttime habit, you have conditioned your baby to wake up and cry. This behavior will continue until the parent stops offering the reward. In fact, the longer you reward them for waking at night, the more difficult the habit will be to break.
2. Sleep Props:
In an effort to get their baby to fall asleep, many parents offer sleep props. Feeding or laying with your baby until he falls asleep, co-sleeping with your baby, or using a vibrating crib are props your baby learns he must have in order to fall asleep.
In order to sleep through the night, a child must learn how to self-calm. The reason? A child who sleeps through the night is actually waking every few hours and putting himself back to sleep. If he has learned he requires a feeding, or proximity to mom in order to fall back to sleep, that is exactly what he will require in the middle of the night.
3. Absence of Routine:
There are several daytime patterns that are typically associated with poor nighttime sleep:
· Feeding too frequently (snacking) or at irregular intervals
· Too many short catnaps, as opposed to fewer but longer naps
· No day-to-day consistency
If your daytime routine includes any of these patterns, your child will likely have difficulty sleeping through the night. We all function better with a routine—this is especially true for babies.
Steps to Great Nighttime Sleep:
1. First, make sure you have established a consistent but flexible daytime routine. Journal your daytime routine and study the patterns that aid or hinder nighttime sleep. When your baby’s needs are being met in a consistent, routine way, it tends to stabilize your baby’s metabolism. This will lead to improved daytime contentment and better nighttime sleep.
2. Establish a consistent bed time and a consistent bedtime routine. This signals to the baby it’s time to get ready for extended sleep.
3. Make sure you are allowing your child to fall asleep on their own every time you put them down. If your child needs help falling asleep, perhaps feeding to sleep or laying down with mom, he will not have the ability to sleep through the night.
4. Once you’ve addressed your daytime routine and corrected any errors, stop rewarding your child at night. This is the tough part. When your child wakes at night, do not pick him up or feed him. Go to your baby and calm him with a pacifier and gentle stroking. You may choose to repeat this every 10-15 minutes as needed. The idea is to let your child know you are there, but not reward him for waking. If your repeated attempts to calm him just make matters worse, you may choose to just check your baby on the monitor. Once your baby learns there will be no more nighttime rewards, he will begin to put himself back to sleep without crying for you.
Consistency Matters. If you can be 100% consistent in not rewarding your baby at night, you will have 100% success. If, on the other hand, you are not consistent, your efforts will fail. In 35 years of pediatrics, with thousands of patients, I’ve never seen this approach fail when applied consistently! However, let’s say you do great your first two nights, but on the third night you are exhausted and really upset with the pediatrician for telling you to do such an awful thing, and you pick up your baby to feed him, you will be back to square one.
Special Considerations:
1. The 4-month sleep regression. Often babies are great sleepers at two and three months of age but somewhere between four and six months start to wake up again. This is a sign your baby may be ready for some solid foods. Once your child has started taking a feeding or two of solids each day, you can expect your child to resume sleeping through the night without much difficulty.
2. If your older child has been characterized by sleeping through the night, but has recently begun to awaken at night, there are a couple things to consider:
· Is your child sick? Are there any signs of illness? Sometimes it is appropriate to bring your baby to the doctor to make certain there are no physical reasons for waking up at night.
· Has your child’s routine gotten out of sync? Babies love routine. Changes in schedule or location (going on vacation) often cause sleep problems.